Bringing Gezellig to Lives of Older Adults

Towards the end of his life, my father was left debilitated by stroke and vascular dementia. To keep his spirits high, I would find activities we could enjoy together, such as listening to music, singing and reminiscing. In looking back, those moments were magical and made us feel happy. 

-- Koko Kawasaki

Very recently, I learned about Gezellig Magazine, a digital publication filled with an array of creative activities for older adults and care partners to enjoy together. The brainchild of Debora Tingley and Patricia Ris, organizers of the Memory Care Café in the San Francisco Bay Area, Gezellig Magazine is visually beautiful and warmly inviting. Browsing through the pages, I was captivated by the contents. Needless to say, I'm delighted to share an interview with Debora and Patricia who discuss their magazine and their inspired ideas.

Patricia Ris and Debora Tingley

What inspired you to create Gezellig Magazine?
We wanted to create an extension of Memory Care Café, as thousands of people in San Francisco are living with memory loss but we could only reach a small, mobile segment of that group. Both of us have wanted to create a magazine as a resource for aging people, so it felt like a natural thing for us to do together. There are very few (if any) similar products available at this time.

What does Gezellig mean?

Gezellig is a very common Dutch word. It evokes a sense of good circumstances and feelings, a kind of coziness, friendliness and homeyness. Gezellig often means being with others, in good company. The atmosphere of a place can be gezellig, and a home can be gezellig. Gezellig Magazine aspires to bring this idea and feeling into day-to-day life. 

Where do you get the ideas for your wonderful activities?
This is one of our favorite things to do! Before we started the magazine, we found it very easy to come up with a year’s worth of topics and were able to outline our six issues in a matter of weeks! That flow likely has to do with our complementary strengths and our aligned passion for supporting care partners.

In terms of topic choice, we’re not so interested in traditional fare, but look for new activities that we’d like to do ourselves, or share with our parents and friends. Seasonal topics are important to bring the outside world in, and to help with awareness of the world around us. Of equal importance are new trends, contemporary approaches and hip topics. Our recent articles include creating personalized emojis and Be Your Own Radio Show Host, about making personal playlists, and these two examples reflect typical interests of our readers.

Nov/Dec 2016 Issue

Are there challenges in creating activities for elders and care partners to share together? If so, could you give some examples?

To appeal to our diverse audience, we created seven categories of activities to highlight different areas of interest. Within these categories, which are listed below, we offer as much variety as possible so that the activities may appeal to people from all walks of life. 

• GO: getting out and moving with a purpose
• WORDS: inspiring thoughts and actions with words
• BY HAND: easy, inventive crafts that inspire the heart and mind
• OUTSIDE: connecting with nature and life around us
• SENSES: treats for the senses
• DIGITAL: fun and simple ways to engage through the Internet
• FOOD: tasty, easy recipes to make together, chosen with current health trends in mind

Each magazine article incorporates various levels of participation. The Day of the Dead Calaveras (Skulls) making in our November/December issue, for example, offers both easy and more complex versions of the recipe. In addition, conversational material is included, in case the “doing” is not possible. In our free issue, we have an article titled Car List Poetry, about creating a poem. This activity can be enjoyed in a question and answer style, but it also lends itself very well to individuals composing their own poetry. 

Mary Beth, a reader from San Francisco, commented: "I loved the line poem about your Deux Chevaux. Lots of memories of hitch-hiking around France in those cars. Glad you put the front-door handle in the right place for the vintage I remember."

The main idea is to help people find what’s appropriate for them and not put them in a box about what they can or cannot do. People experience good days and bad days, and cognitive challenges (especially) vary greatly in one individual from day-to-day. That’s why we create our activities with the highest possible level of participation in mind, along with adaptations for specific needs woven in. The challenge is figuring out how to present options for different levels of ability in a way that is clear without discouraging people from trying something outside their perceived abilities and/or comfort zones.

What are some initial responses to the magazine? 
Here are a handful of testimonials straight from the readers:

"What a wonderful magazine Gezellig is! It looks beautiful, it is very user friendly, full of inspiring articles, ideas, outings and games and I wish we had a similar magazine in the Netherlands. A must read (and must subscribe!) for anyone who is a caregiver or family member or a senior who wants to stay active and enjoy life!" – Nanette R., Amsterdam

"This magazine takes minutes to read but gives you hours of ideas for great conversation, outings and activities…The content is well thought through and presented with purpose. I would recommend it to Elders and care partners alike." – Sean M., Sebastopol, CA

"Gezellig allowed me to engage with my parents through a very entertaining, portable and interesting platform. I felt like we were really doing something together—and not just sitting around the TV! Thank you Gezellig for your creative product!" – June K., Santa Rosa, CA

How can people contribute ideas they may have? 

We welcome contributions from readers and also from professionals. For example, healthy cooking expert Rebecca Katz generously contributed one of her favorite soup recipes, Moroccan Carrot Soup from her most recent Clean Soups cookbook. An article on making this soup is included in our current November/December issue. (Note: A link for the recipe is included at the end).

For readers, we have an invitation at the end of almost every article to share thoughts, send pictures of what they’ve created, or to send us their ideas through our gezellig community webpage. In January 2017, we will have a forum where care partners can share lifestyle ideas with each other--another opportunity for readers to take the helm and create a real, gezellig community to thrive in!

A heartfelt thank you to Patricia and Debora for their commitment to the wellbeing of older adults and for the passion, creativity and joy they bring to Gezellig Magazine. Dear blog readers, it's the perfect time of year to create a gezellig atmosphere with loved ones, so be sure to visit gezelligmagazine.com. Here are two fantastic recipes from the current issue for you to try:
Moroccan Carrot Soup: http://bit.ly/2fHfj1O
Day of the Dead Calaveras: http://bit.ly/2fnY4ihb 

Enough of Shaming, Let's Create Community

The number one thing caregivers can do for other caregivers is to say 'you are not alone.' -- Alexandra Drane

Earlier this week, I read an article on nextavenue.com titled, When You Are Shamed for Moving a Parent into a Care Center. Author and gerontologist Rachael Wonderlin wrote of caregivers being harshly criticized for placing loved ones into long-term care communities. This article resonated with me because I was a caregiver for my late father and also made the difficult choice of moving him into a care home. I had hoped relatives and friends would be supportive of my decision. Instead, they were outraged and accused me of being an unfilial daughter. 

Together with the staff, we wished Dad a happy birthday.

At first, I tried to care for Dad at home, but his dementia worsened and he became debilitated due to multiple strokes. As Dad's care needs increased, many challenges arose including these examples:

• Dad lost mobility in his legs yet he would often jump out of bed and land on the floor at night. Incidentally, putting rails on the side of the bed did not work.
• We then placed a mattress on the floor, but he would wiggle off and bang his head on the wall or furniture as he attempted to maneuver his body. 
• Dad developed difficulties with swallowing but would refuse to eat soft, pureed foods and often threw plates on the floor in anger while blaming Mom for his situation. 
• Dad became agitated every night and would yell and bang on the walls until daylight. Me, Mom and Phu, my husband, took turns through the night to stay with Dad to soothe him.

I developed chronic insomnia, Mom had fainting spells due to blood-pressure spikes, and Phu sometimes fell asleep at the wheel during his 40-minute commute to work. We hired caregivers to assist Dad, but we could not afford round-the-clock care. Needless to say, I opted to find a long-term care home as Dad's safety became the biggest concern.

As we moved Dad into a care home, we were shunned by family friends. Even so, I continued to do my best to ensure that Dad's quality of life would not be compromised. It was by no means a perfect situation, but Dad's condition stabilized as he ate balanced meals and received the support he needed from a warm, caring staff. In addition, my parents' relationship improved as Dad began to express appreciation for Mom for the first time in over 40 years of marriage. I had also become closer to Dad, as I visited him daily to keep him company.

Say Cheese!

Since Dad's passing in 2010, I've earned a Master's in gerontology and learned about resources and information available for family caregivers. As I reflect on my experience, I firmly believe that caregivers need understanding, encouragement, and a caring community of friends and family. Guilt and worry come second-nature to many of us, so please stop the shaming and offer a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on!

On the subject of long-term care facilities, I recently had an opportunity to share my tip for family caregivers on the Association for Long Term Care Planning (ALTCP) website. ALTCP is a nonprofit organization providing free information, resources and expert advice on planning for long-term care -- what a great service! Here is the blog post: 20 Experts Talk: DOs and DONTs When Visiting Mom and Dad at the Long Term Care Facility. It was an honor to be included among caregiving experts I trust and respect. Together, we are all part of a wider community supporting caregivers who unselfishly look after their loved ones everyday.