Intergenerational Connections as the New Norm.

"We want every youth-serving organization in cities across the country to actively seek out older workers and volunteers, and to stand with us as we create a new societal norm for intergenerational collaboration." - Sarah McKinney, Communications Director, Generation to Generation

Photos: Ed Kashi (top left, bottom right); Woodwalk (top right, bottom left).

Entering my 50s, I have been thinking more about what I can do to help future generations. I'm noticing that this desire for generativity is common among friends who are also in mid-life, as we now have life experiences and useful skills to share with young people. Needless to say, I am thrilled to feature an interview with Sarah McKinney, Communications Director for Encore.org's Generation to Generation, a campaign that fosters intergenerational connections with the aim of helping the Youth. Sarah explains the campaign in greater detail, and now I'm feeling fired up! I'm sure you will be too!

What is the Generation to Generation campaign?

Generation to Generation (Gen2Gen) is Encore.org’s 5-year campaign to mobilize the over-50 population to fight inequality in the next generation, by “standing up and showing up” for young people -- particularly those growing up against the odds. Through our large and growing network of wonderful partner organizations and communities, Gen2Gen will shine a light on the transformative intergenerational work currently being done, share best practices to encourage increased participation, and pursue thought-leadership and media activities that work to normalize youth-focused service in later life. 

How did this idea come about?

In many ways, Gen2Gen is a return to Encore.org’s roots. Back in 1995 Marc Freedman, Encore.org’s founder and CEO, worked with others to launch what is now AARP Experience Corps -- a program designed to engage people over 50 as tutors and mentors in some of the nation’s poorest neighborhoods and lowest-performing elementary schools. Freedman still often refers to Encore.org as a mentoring organization in the guise of an aging organization! 

Over the past two decades we’ve launched several other innovative programs, such as Encore Fellowships and The Purpose Prize, engaged in a lot of storytelling and research, and hosted several convenings to bring “encore career” enthusiasts together. Gen2Gen is an attempt to channel this community of wise adults to one specific social issue -- vulnerable children and youth -- and, in the process, demonstrate the unique power this (growing) segment of the population holds to solve other significant social problems. 

"...people are genuinely excited about this idea, of matching this growing population of older adults to children and youth who need extra support, and see it as a no-brainer." - Sarah

What are the main goals that you hope to accomplish with this campaign?

There are so many people in mid-life and beyond who are already doing the work we’re advocating, whether it be helping to raise their grandkids, nieces or nephews, volunteering at their local community center or church, or raising their hand to get involved at a youth-serving nonprofit whose mission speaks to them. We want to connect with these individuals and let them know they’re part of something big, powerful, and important. We want to reach a huge number of new people, inspire them to connect with kids (age 0-24) who need support, and have them identify with the Gen2Gen campaign. We want every youth-serving organization in cities across the country to actively seek out older workers and volunteers, and to stand with us as we create a new societal norm for intergenerational collaboration. While the media continues to focus on how divided our country is, we want Gen2Gen to be a bridge that connects people across age, race, background and social class for the benefit of all. 

What excites you the most about the Gen2Gen campaign?

I was originally drawn to Encore.org because I related to the idea of making a career change, and using your collective experience for good. After spending over a decade in market research, I went back to graduate school and received my MBA from a program called Presidio Graduate School -- which is about how business can become a force for good. I was exposed to the movement of young people seeking purpose-driven careers, and simultaneously became aware of Encore.org and the “encore career” movement. Finding ways to connect these generations is what my initial role at Encore.org was focused on. Outside of work, the social issue I’m most passionate about is addiction and recovery. So personal transformation -- and helping people reach their potential -- is the common current running through my life, and the thing that motivates me to do what I do.

The opportunity to work on the Gen2Gen team came about right as I discovered I was pregnant with my first child. It’s incredible how becoming a parent shifts your perspective! I feel very personally invested in creating a better future for future generations, and doing what I can to give every child the chance to thrive. I’ve also been on both the giving and receiving end of mentorship, which is a big part of the Gen2Gen campaign, and have always loved spending time with people who are much younger and older than me. So working on this campaign and helping it reach more people is a “fit” on many levels.

Photo: Ed Kashi

Are there any unique challenges to making this happen?

This is a big goal! We know many people are feeling particularly inspired to take action right now. Our partner VolunteerMatch recently reported record-breaking traffic, with over 500k people seeking volunteer opportunities within a single week! But making clear the urgency of intergenerational work when there are so many other social issues that feel urgent right now -- that can be a challenge. It’s not a particularly unique challenge, however, as every organization is competing for people’s attention. And whenever we do describe what we’re up to with Gen2Gen we don’t experience resistance -- people are genuinely excited about this idea, of matching this growing population of older adults to children and youth who need extra support, and see it as a no-brainer.

Do you have an interesting Gen2Gen success story? 
We launched in November and it tends to take a little time to go through the screening process at youth-serving organizations (all are required to do background checks) and then develop a meaningful relationship with a child, but we currently have some great stories of older adults doing youth-focused work in our story bank and would LOVE to hear more, if any of your readers want to share theirs! 

One cool thing to report is that during the month of January we focused on encouraging people to explore opportunities through MENTOR: The National Mentoring Partnership, and it resulted in our being their third highest source of referral traffic, just behind LinkedIn and Serve.gov. We’re excited to offer this value to other partners in the months and years ahead. 

What are some small action steps each person, such as myself, can take to contribute to this movement?
First off, you can make sure you’ve joined the campaign! Just visit our homepage and enter your email into the pop-up box. If you don’t see that, click the “Count me in” button for it to appear. Next up, join us on social media. We recently created a Gen2Gen Facebook group where we want to cultivate a strong sense of community -- request to join and once you’re approved, introduce yourself to the group, explaining what interests you about bringing generations together! Encore.org has an active Facebook page and Twitter handle, where we’re often posting about the campaign. Or if you’re more of a LinkedIn person, Encore.org has a LinkedIn group where you can post and read stories of interest. Last but not least, explore volunteer and DIY ideas! 

Is there anything else you would like to add?

We’re currently in the process of developing a strategy to engage “champions” -- those who want to recruit others to join the campaign and spread the message within their communities. If you’re reading this and that’s of interest to you, we’d love to hear from you. Please email getinvolved@generationtogeneration.org and use the subject line “Koko’s Blog” so we know what the message is in reference to. Thank you!

A Death Café in San Francisco

"An awareness and understanding of death raises our state of life. When we are cognizant of the reality and inevitability of death, we begin to seek the eternal and become determined to make the most valuable use of each moment of life." -- Daisaku Ikeda

This year, I've had the unique opportunity to attend the Death Café. Not knowing what to expect, I listened to peoples' views and experiences about death and shared some of my thoughts in a small, informal setting. To my pleasant surprise, the discussions were lively and engaging. As a result, I felt inspired to dedicate a blog post on the Death Café. I contacted Jim Van Buskirk, who co-hosts San Francisco's Death Café each month with Danielle Brandon and Harvey Schwartz. Jim has kindly answered my varied questions about the Death Café and about his interest in death-related matters. 

What is the Death Café?

It is a group of people interested in sharing stories and experiences about a variety of topics related to death and dying. Various conversations have focused on aging parents, one's own mortality, dealing with clutter, wills and advanced care directives, communication with and visitations from the "other side"... People share wonderful stories and there is often, paradoxically, lots of laughter. Our experience shows that people are starving for a safe place to share their beliefs and fears.

Image courtesy of deathcafe.com

How did you become involved with the Death Café?

My friend Harvey, knowing my interest in death, asked me if I had heard about Death Café (DC). We were both surprised that I had not. We attended one together at Chapel of the Chimes where we met Danielle. The three of us San Franciscans decided we would co-host a DC. We looked at the guidelines at deathcafe.com and I knew that the San Francisco Public Library's (SFPL) community meeting room policy would accommodate our use of the Potrero Branch library's room. We divided up the few tasks: I was the contact with SFPL for room reservations, Danielle posted the event on deathcafe.com, and Harvey was the conduit for RSVPs. Our first meeting was a success and we have continued for over a year, with one held at the AIDS Memorial Grove and another at the Fernwood Cemetery in Marin.

Why do you think this subject interests you?

Initially I was interested in subverting the taboo against talking about the inevitable. Over a year later, my interest has deepened into a spiritual calling. I continue to read books, watch documentaries, attend presentations, and talk to people about death and dying. I am continually developing my annotated bibliography on the topic. For example, I am working with the SFPL on an ongoing series entitled, "We're All Terminal: Living with Death & Dying," in which various aspects of a range of topics are addressed by speakers, films, book discussions and/or presentation formats in an effort to offer attendees appropriate resources within their comfort zones.

Jim Van Buskirk

How has your view of death changed as a result of facilitating and taking part in these discussions?
I understand that people move through the world differently and have a wide variety of belief systems and areas of fear/confidence. Although no one knows what happens at the moment of death or thereafter, some are fearful of eternal nothingness, while others eagerly anticipate the next big adventure. The more I learn about the topic, the more fascinated I am, and the more I want to share my discoveries. Some people are eager for the opportunity to discuss the taboo topic, others remain uncomfortable.

Why do you think American society avoids talking about the subject of death? 
I have lots of theories, some related to Ernest Becker's pioneering book "Denial of Death" and the Terror Management Theory, developed by psychologists Jeff Greenberg, Tom Pyszczynski, and Sheldon Solomon, based on Becker's ideas. I also believe there is pervasive magical thinking, that if one doesn't talk about death, write a will, make arrangements, one will somehow avoid the inevitable. We as a society have outsourced so many markers of death. One used to die at home, the body washed and prepared by the same women who birthed babies, and be buried in regularly-visited church graveyards. Now people die in nursing homes and hospitals, mortuaries whisk away the body, and people are urged to "get over" their grieving process. All of this is unhealthy individually and societally. By being removed from the fact that we will all eventually die, we are removed from our humanity.

Any interesting anecdotes from the discussions?

Many, but one participant in particular, stands out. She is a beautiful young woman, a pediatrician who is dealing with her own cancer diagnosis. In her cancer support group, she is not allowed to talk about dying so she regularly comes to DC. As a physician, death is seen as a "failure" so she is not comfortable sharing her feelings in that environment. Her ability to articulate her dual perspective is a welcome addition to the group. Participants have shared death from various cultural perspectives including Italian, Irish, Jewish, Chinese, Buddhist, small town/big city, etc. Some people afterward apologize for not saying much in the group, but express their gratitude for being able to soak up the energy, saying that this is where they needed to be.

Many of us prefer not to think about death, let alone talk about it. Nevertheless, attending a Death Café may help you look at life and death in a whole new way. I highly recommend it! If you have attended a Death Café, I would love to hear about your experiences. A very big thank you to Jim for a thoughtful and thought-provoking interview. For more information on finding a Death Café near you, visit www.deathcafe.com.

Enough of Shaming, Let's Create Community

The number one thing caregivers can do for other caregivers is to say 'you are not alone.' -- Alexandra Drane

Earlier this week, I read an article on nextavenue.com titled, When You Are Shamed for Moving a Parent into a Care Center. Author and gerontologist Rachael Wonderlin wrote of caregivers being harshly criticized for placing loved ones into long-term care communities. This article resonated with me because I was a caregiver for my late father and also made the difficult choice of moving him into a care home. I had hoped relatives and friends would be supportive of my decision. Instead, they were outraged and accused me of being an unfilial daughter. 

Together with the staff, we wished Dad a happy birthday.

At first, I tried to care for Dad at home, but his dementia worsened and he became debilitated due to multiple strokes. As Dad's care needs increased, many challenges arose including these examples:

• Dad lost mobility in his legs yet he would often jump out of bed and land on the floor at night. Incidentally, putting rails on the side of the bed did not work.
• We then placed a mattress on the floor, but he would wiggle off and bang his head on the wall or furniture as he attempted to maneuver his body. 
• Dad developed difficulties with swallowing but would refuse to eat soft, pureed foods and often threw plates on the floor in anger while blaming Mom for his situation. 
• Dad became agitated every night and would yell and bang on the walls until daylight. Me, Mom and Phu, my husband, took turns through the night to stay with Dad to soothe him.

I developed chronic insomnia, Mom had fainting spells due to blood-pressure spikes, and Phu sometimes fell asleep at the wheel during his 40-minute commute to work. We hired caregivers to assist Dad, but we could not afford round-the-clock care. Needless to say, I opted to find a long-term care home as Dad's safety became the biggest concern.

As we moved Dad into a care home, we were shunned by family friends. Even so, I continued to do my best to ensure that Dad's quality of life would not be compromised. It was by no means a perfect situation, but Dad's condition stabilized as he ate balanced meals and received the support he needed from a warm, caring staff. In addition, my parents' relationship improved as Dad began to express appreciation for Mom for the first time in over 40 years of marriage. I had also become closer to Dad, as I visited him daily to keep him company.

Say Cheese!

Since Dad's passing in 2010, I've earned a Master's in gerontology and learned about resources and information available for family caregivers. As I reflect on my experience, I firmly believe that caregivers need understanding, encouragement, and a caring community of friends and family. Guilt and worry come second-nature to many of us, so please stop the shaming and offer a helping hand or a shoulder to lean on!

On the subject of long-term care facilities, I recently had an opportunity to share my tip for family caregivers on the Association for Long Term Care Planning (ALTCP) website. ALTCP is a nonprofit organization providing free information, resources and expert advice on planning for long-term care -- what a great service! Here is the blog post: 20 Experts Talk: DOs and DONTs When Visiting Mom and Dad at the Long Term Care Facility. It was an honor to be included among caregiving experts I trust and respect. Together, we are all part of a wider community supporting caregivers who unselfishly look after their loved ones everyday.