In the Blink of an Eye

"Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened."  -- Dr. Seuss

A little over a year ago, my mom's best friend Mrs. Y unexpectedly passed away. It was a sad loss for all of us as Mrs. Y had been an important part of Mom's life (and mine) for over four decades. Mom and Mrs. Y saw each other every week, spending countless hours talking, eating, laughing and going for walks. When they weren't together, they talked on the phone and even had plans for traveling together in the near future.

Me (with chocolate on my face) and my childhood BFF.

Knowing her dear friend was no longer here, Mom was lonely. She was also saddened by not having had the chance to say goodbye. Though I was concerned, Mom impressed me with her inner strength as she kept up with her daily walks, her cooking and sewing, and socializing with others. Still, there were times when Mom spent most of the day alone, and my heart ached for her as she was clearly missing Mrs. Y. As the year progressed, Mom started going for lunches and walks with her other friends who began calling and visiting more often. Thanks to her friendships, Mom seems much brighter and jollier these days.

At age 87, Mom has lost many people including Dad, six out of eight siblings, relatives, and countless friends. Her resilience is admirable. In an article written by Paula Span in the New York Times titled, Tougher Than They Look, scientists suggest that resilience is learned through adversities in early life and people scoring high on the resilience scale are better able to bounce back from difficulties. The article states that even in late life, resilience can be acquired. This is hopeful news!

Mom's experience made me reflect on the finitude of life, and has given me greater awareness that every single day matters. Taking this to heart, I feel gratitude for life, including its challenging aspects, and all the people contained within it. Would love to learn about your thoughts and experiences. Has adversity made you more resilient? Thank you for taking the time to read this post. 

Resilience, Longevity & Moments of Joy

"The author Hermann Hesse writes that the more one matures, the younger one grows. There are many people who as they age become increasingly vigorous and energetic, more broad-minded and tolerant, living with a greater sense of freedom and assurance. It is important to remember that aging and growing old are not necessarily the same." - Daisaku Ikeda

Mom was born in 1928 in a small seaside village in the southernmost area of Japan. A middle child from a family of nine siblings, Mom is one of three still living (and thriving)! As I think about the challenges Mom faced throughout her life, I marvel at her ability to maintain a resilient spirit in the face of setbacks. Prior to the second World War, my grandfather passed away at the age of 39 while Mom was in elementary school. With many children to care for, grandmother had to go out and find work. Consequently, Mom left school to become a caregiver to her younger siblings. World War II brought about even greater challenges as food became scarce and rationing became the norm. 

In the course of her life, Mom has faced various hardships including losing her husband (my father) in 2010 and losing her closest friend late last year. Mom turned 87 this week, and I'm grateful that she is healthy, independent (still drives and is able to travel overseas on her own), and partakes in activities that are both meaningful and joyful.

Today there are many Internet articles offering theories and/or personal views on healthy aging, so I decided to list what I think may be Mom's "secrets": Singing without a care if anyone hears; Laughing heartily at jokes made by her favorite comedians; Walking everyday for exercise and for errands; Cooking lots of food and experimenting with new recipes; Not dwelling on trivial matter; Being open to learning something new.

Mom aspires to become a centenarian, and I'm beginning to realize that perhaps achieving a healthy, long life requires big heartedness and unwavering optimism. These are qualities that Mom seems to possess in abundance. Thank you for taking the time to read my post! 

My mom and family friend enjoying Japanese bento lunches in San Francisco

A Celebration! Mom blowing out the candle on her birthday dessert!  

Grateful.

Gratitude is the key to unlocking a more open and rewarding perspective on life. Feelings of appreciation are always accompanied by the elevation of one's state of life and the broadening of one's perspective. And, the more our life expands, the more profound our sense of gratitude becomes, to the point where we can feel appreciation even for the problems we face in life. -- Daisaku Ikeda

Awhile back when I was a caregiver for my father, I noticed that some people would show their support by sympathizing with my plight. “Oh, it must be so hard for you.” “I’m sorry that you have to endure this.” “How horrible that your father is no longer able to walk nor care for himself.” “You look tired, you poor thing!”

Alternatively, others congratulated me for encountering struggles, and encouraged me to win over my obstacles. Initially, I wanted sympathy and felt comforted by those who felt sorry for me. As I overcame my internal challenges, I found that sympathetic remarks, though well meaning, hindered my growth. In my weakness, I sought a “cushion” to protect me from reality, but I came to realize that the idea of security is an illusion. The truly compassionate were those who were strict and urged me to plow through my difficulties. Furthermore, those who criticized me turned out to be my “best friends” because their words aroused my determination to create a happier life for my family. Likewise, Nichiren states, "...it is not one's allies but one's powerful enemies who assist one's progress ('The Actions of the Votary of the Lotus Sutra,' WND-1, 770)."  

My little ones!

On this Thanksgiving Day, I am grateful for my husband, my mom, my late father, my feline “babies,” my friends, Sensei, my Buddhist practice, health, and an opportunity to further my education. I am especially grateful for the hardships I’ve had as a caregiver: the lonely, sleepless nights; uncertainty of my father’s health; family conflict; financial hardships. I’m most appreciative, however, to those who shunned me and accused me of being an uncaring daughter. Believe it or not, the harshness of some peoples’ attitudes became nourishment for spiritual growth.

"The struggles we face might range from the apparently mundane (summoning the energy to take out the trash or to write a letter to a relative) to the vast (campaigning to ban nuclear weapons), but the essential challenge is the same. It is to overcome our own weakness, fear or inertia in a given moment and take action for the sake of the happiness of ourselves and others (SGI Quarterly, July 2006)." With this sentiment, I am sincerely grateful to you for visiting my blog. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and enjoy every moment!